Full disclaimer: I’ve never blogged before in my entire life. I certainly do more than my fair share of talking, coaching and expressing my opinions. I’ve just never actually written it down for the general public to read should they choose to! However, with the birth of a potential new favorite show—Bravo’s Girlfriends Guide to Divorce—blogging might find its way into my already extremely active world. This show is insightful…and just funny enough…that I felt compelled to share what resonated with me.
Gathering my thoughts and getting it all out in a blog post has been quite the struggle for me today. Seriously, I’ve spent the greater part of today just trying to figure out if I’m doing it right. Then it struck me! That’s probably how many of you—divorced, stuck in limbo-separation-land, or new singletons having just come out of a recent break up—feel. Shoot, you may even just be in the throes of “Tinder Dating”, but you know what I mean. Being single presents its own fair share of new challenges and navigating uncharted territory.
So far, Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce (GG2D) has done a great job bringing some of these challenges to light, often in a rather humorous way. The main character, Abby, is a 47 year-old, self-help author who uses her own marriage and life experiences as examples to help teach women how to have a happy marriage and family life. However, early on in the first episode we ironically discover that Abby is in the middle of a separation and pending divorce from her stay-at-home-dad husband, Jake.
As a single, divorced mom myself, as well as a dating coach and matchmaker, I related to this show instantly, both personally and professionally. Like Abby, I had massive anxiety around what life would look like following a divorce. I work full time AND I’ll be a single mom? I’ll have a big mortgage all by myself? Uncertainty and raw fear set in—I was going to be responsible for all of this, alone! And of course what I worried about the most, was the impact this would make on my then 3-year-old son. So yes, as you may have felt yourself if you watched GG2D’s pilot episode… “Wait, are they writing this show about me?!”
The new life Abby’s unceremoniously thrown into is chock-full of new experiences, ranging from hooking up with a hot young 28-year-old (some would call this a “quality problem”) to navigating new and unsettling emotions. In fact, in one heart-wrenching scene, Abby and Jake get into a heated argument about their failing relationship and during the outburst their two children walk in on them, only then hearing confirmation that their parents are getting a divorce. In this instant, Abby and Jake learn a hard and fast lesson on the importance of compassionately communicating the truth to their children, and presenting a united front for the greater good.
Again, no matter what relationship situation you find yourself in, GG2D strikes a very important, relatable chord…Life WILL throw challenges your way and you WILL find yourself in completely unexpected situations. The only thing you’ll have control over is how you handle it.
As a coach and matchmaker, I help my clients reflect on their growth from challenging experiences, think long and hard about the decisions they have made in their life that brought them to this point, and contemplate the new path that now lies in front of them. We all get the chance to show up differently should we choose to. The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of your questions, so get very clear on a couple of important questions: Who are you? How do you want to show up? When you are crystal clear on this, if the (19-years-younger…yikes!) guy comes knocking on your door you’ll know what to do. There’s no right or wrong answer. Just do your best to make decisions that are right for you.
All relationships, romantic or otherwise, have their massive ups and downs. The changes brought on by separation, divorce and even break-ups can be overwhelming and it’s all too easy to lose touch with your friends, and even lose sight of yourself. So when you’re in an up phase, stay in touch with your friends. Believe me, we all need them. Friends are the family you choose for yourself and they are priceless!
So keep a couple of sassy, honest girlfriends who have your best interest at heart right beside you! The love and honesty of true girlfriends are truly one of life’s greatest gifts.