Give yourself time to be independent and free when channeling new beginnings. Our GG2D girlfriends in Bravo’s Episode 11 gave us a healthy dose of chaos with new beginnings this week that include a holiday war zone. Bombs away!

For starters – it’s official…. Abby has a boyfriend! And that said, my Love by Design coaching begins immediately!

How long have you known this guy, Abby? Three weeks?!

Yes, he’s smoking hot. Yes, he says all the right things – “Good morning beautiful. I’ve been your boyfriend since I first laid eyes on you. You just didn’t know it.” – sounds like a Silhouette romance novel, huh? Where’s Fabio?

….the truth of the matter is:

  • Your divorce isn’t even final.
  • It takes a while to truly get to know someone.
  • What’s the big freaking hurry?

Jumping headfirst into a new relationship can often rob you of the time you need to truly know what you want.

  1. It robs you of the clarity you need to understand your past patterns and make better choices for the future.
  2. It robs you of the strength that comes from rebuilding your life the way YOU want it to be.

Give yourself time to be independent and free.Love by Design

New beginnings include new holiday beginnings in new relationships. Sometimes a mis-mash of celebrating the old with the new can be freeing. Our happy new couple is excited for an adults-only Thanksgiving since Jake is taking the kids out of town. Yet we all know life doesn’t always go according to our plans, no matter how much we want it to. Jake gets sick, asks Abby to take the kids last minute, and a collective conglomerate of random togetherness and holiday chaos ensues.

Life is not going as planned for Delia either. We are finally learning more about her history and understanding her commitment issues as her father unexpectedly shows up with a highly critical attitude, a grudge on his shoulder, and in need of money for his “prostate cancer”, which we later learn is really a DUI. Delia brings her Dad, his judgmentalness, and their chaos to Thanksgiving dinner at Abby’s. I guess everyone is bringing “something” to the “table”, huh?

Kudos this week goes to Phoebe and her cheerful “Thanksgiving is an inclusive holiday” / “the more the merrier” attitude. We all need the friend with the positive attitude who tells us when we are complicating dinner (aka life) and need to chill out. She brings Marco, who does not believe in Thanksgiving, Jake brings his pot- smoking roommate, and Jo brings (and consumes) massive amounts of Wild Turkey! This Thanksgiving table is getting pretty full, huh?

And to add some salt to the proverbial wounds (not the turkey on the table)…

Charlie contributes more than his fair share to the chaos with his numerous tantrums, impersonating Abby by texting Jake an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner, and giving Will a full-force kick in the shins!

Abby is going to get a second serving of Love by Design coaching for tolerating her son’s ridiculously inappropriate behavior on this holiday and otherwise! I don’t care if it’s Thanksgiving or giving thanks that the sun is shining… Abby – it’s time to set some boundaries and impose some consequences! No one… I repeat no one… appreciates a kid that’s unruly and undisciplined. And it certainly doesn’t increase your sex appeal to the new boyfriend.

Who knew that a holiday dinner table could become a war zone? Abby is in the middle of an emotional war between her past and present. Abby is appealing to both Jake and Will, as the dinner ironically unfolds with Jake at one end of the table and Will at the other. Have you been in a war zone like this? Can you relate how she contemplates her past, present and an unclear path to her future? I sure could. Is it time for dessert, coffee and good-byes yet? Sigh…

When dredging through a “war zone” situation like this make sure enough time has passed since your last relationship ended. Emotions regarding your ex may still be strong. You run the risk of carrying those emotions, still unresolved, into a new relationship.

A wounded heart can hurt others and can impede the creation of a healthy new relationship.Love by Design

It’s inevitable. The first holiday post-breakup.

Limit the chaos: chill out – catch those curve balls that life throws – accept the fact that we are going to make mistakes – we can begin creating a new normal – one relationship at a time…

You are capable of controlling the chaos… even in a holiday war zone… if you give yourself time to be independent and free.