“Much of any relationship is formed out of habit – if the habits you once had aren’t there anymore, develop new ones.” – Love by Design
Moving OUT of your old habits: moving out of a home, screaming neighbors in the new complex, not knowing how to fix things in your own house, splitting time with the kids and not having control of them during their time with the “other” parent, fighting for custody, and managing your kids’ emotions and outbursts during this massive change – sound familiar?
Or how about the below scene with the children?
Kid outburst: “Why does YOUR divorce have to ruin MY life?!”.
Kid outburst: “You’re just jealous that she’s so pretty and young. Dad found someone awesome. Because he’s awesome. So it’s too bad you kicked him out. So It’s not my fault that you’re alone and can’t handle it.”
O-U-C-H… but hearing those difficult words will make you realize it’s time to Move ON.
We are definitely keeping it real here, folks!
Moving ON: I vividly remember my first “ME TIME” night…. The very first night my son left our home to go stay with his Dad. I trusted his Dad completely, and knew my son was well-loved, yet I sat on the stairs of my completely quiet house and cried my eyes out. I knew this was the right path to take, yet my life as I once knew it was over. Darn those “old habits” are hard to accept and break.
Speaking of crying, have we seen Lyla shed any tears at all? Where do all those emotions go?? She definitely wins the best adult anger outburst! Are you a Lyla?
My LBD relationship coaching advice this week goes to….Jake. Listen, you agreed you weren’t going to introduce the kids to the hot new girlfriend… but you DID! And to add insult to injury, pictures were immediately posted by your daughter on Instagram. (We will discuss SOCIAL MEDIA challenges in relationships on a different day!) Not being true to your word during this arduous time causes unnecessary damage to your credibility, as well as the on-going co-parenting relationship you will need to have with your soon-to-be-ex. Suck it up. Manage your kids’ meltdowns. Learn how to be a single parent. It’s not easy, yet it’s absolutely 1000% worth it!
LBD Moving OUT & Moving ON advice: Be true to your word to help your family manage potential meltdowns. Short term pain for long term gain.
Kudos this week goes to….. Abby: You owned it, girlfriend! You said you were going to be fine on your first night without the kids, aka “ME TIME”, but you weren’t…. so you called your girlfriends. You cried. You asked yourself honest questions, “How is this all going to be ok?” And after all was said and done, you communicated your feelings and owned your mistakes. (Darn that’s REALLY hard to do!) You admitted to your brother you were hurt because your ex, the kids, and he all had fun without you. You owned screwing up with your teenage daughter by snapping at her when it wasn’t her fault. Your husband is moving on and you need to learn to deal with it. That is some serious end-of-relationship reflection and self awareness that most people simply do not own this early on. Great job Moving ON!
To quote Lyla: “It’s a different kind of alone. Like alone alone”. This painful feeling is all too familiar to those in the throes of a breakup. Much of any relationship is formed out of habit – the habit of talking to them, spending time with them, etc. Once those habits are not an option, you’re left with… I don’t know what!?!? And that itself can bring heart-opening NEW emotions.
LBD Moving OUT & Moving ON advice: After a breakup, commit to getting comfortable with being alone. Feel your emotions. Ask for help. Better yet, ask your girlfriends for help. They will understand why you’re drinking wine, dancing in your underwear with black marker drawings on your body, and NOT even blink an eye. Your new “ME TIME” is a learning time.
A learning time that will help you #GoFindYourself